This topic may seem humorous at times but can end badly for persons involved in conflict between two or more seniors living in nursing homes or assisted living communities. Everyone is different and disagreements, controlling behavior, manipulation or fights are inevitable when groups of people who never lived together now co-exist within close quarters. Conflicts can range from very mild disagreements or poor communication to aggression and violence between residents and employees who become involved in the situation.
Care Communities Need to Be Prepared
A critical part of staff orientation and ongoing training should be how to handle conflicts and interpersonal issues between residents in their building. Topics like “conflict resolution”, “stress management” and “mediation” should be on the annual schedule of trainings for all employees. In this situation, an ounce of prevention is truly worth a pound of cure. If conflict is poorly managed by staff, it can escalate into a very serious problem, affecting not only those having the dispute, but other residents, family members and employees. Conflict between residents can be handled in a respectful, dignified manner and the peaceful environment that everyone wants, can be restored.
Why Do Roommates Not Get Along?
There is no simple way to answer this question. Anything that can go wrong between two human beings sharing a small living space, will eventually and at times go wrong. Most seniors have lived their lives and their personalities are set in stone. They like what they like and dislike what they dislike. They have long histories of habitual behaviors and unique personality characteristics. In other words, they ain’t changin’ now!
One roommate likes to get up early and the other prefers to sleep in. One enjoys the company of many family members and friends and the other is a loner. One likes to chat on the phone and the other prefers not to. Their favorite TV shows are not the same. They live by different schedules and preferences which have been developing over 60, 70 or 80 years.
Other reasons roommates don’t get along include one or the other being socially manipulative so that he or she maintains some sense of power or control over their environment. Some people are simply more controlling than others. Perhaps psychological or medical problems are underlying factors and conditions such as depression, anxiety or dementia are the driving forces in conflict. A simple UTI can cause enough discomfort and agitation to cause a fight with a roommate. It could also be a side effect of medications that is causing the problem. Whatever the cause is, staff should make a point to find the root cause of conflict between roommates and work towards resolving it.
Is One Roommate A Bully?
Maybe you haven’t thought about this as a possibility, but some people never outgrow being a bully. Perhaps every nursing home and assisted living community has its bad boy or mean girl. People who are aggressive and demanding their whole lives most likely will not change simply because they must move into a care facility. Their life-long patterns will persist and some roommate somewhere will be bullied. Don’t forget, bullying comes in all forms, from being pushy, to being loud, verbally abusive and sometimes physically violent. This type of behavior should be seen as abusive and should not be tolerated.
What Can Staff Do?
The first intervention when dealing with two roommates who don’t get along is to sit down with them, and perhaps their family, and discuss what the problems or issues are and work towards resolution. If this doesn’t work, a room change and separating them might be the only solution. But, who goes and who stays is tricky. Some senior care communities have programs that help new residents develop relationships with someone who has lived in the community for some time. This helps to create bonds, friendships, and can prevent feelings of loneliness. If bullying is the problem, administration must step in to get it resolved. Senior care communities should adopt a zero-tolerance bullying policy between residents and enforce it.
Final Statements
Any of us may find ourselves living in a nursing home, assisted living, or senior community of some kind. If we are fortunate to have a private living space, great! If not, we will move into a room that has been inhabited by a senior who got their first and must adjust to us, as we adjust to him or her. Hopefully, a new and wonderful friendship will blossom and quality of living will be enhanced. Or, all hell may break loose and you may find yourself in a geriatric combat situation!
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